After sitting down and reflecting on 2012, it's time I focus on what's to come in 2013. The number 13 has always had this unlucky, negative connotation likely due to some medieval religious scandal from 10 A.D. which tainted poor number 13 to centuries of disdain and dislike. Or it was this. (Yep, I looked it up for you. You're welcome.) So I'm reclaiming #13 and declaring that it's not unlucky. It's just like any other number trying to make it in the big bad world. Just like me. And I'm going to be so audacious as to say that 13 is an exceptional number and that 2013 is going to be an exceptional year. And you know why? Because I'm making some resolutions. Not many. Just four. They're pretty general (except for one), but they are going to be my mantra for the next 11 months so that in the face of adversities (that are sure to come) and in those moments of joy (that are sure to come), I'll have my focus, my mantra to get me through and remind me to appreciate what I have.
1. Happiness Comes From Within - Focus On That
I've spent most of my life caring about what other people think of me - about my intelligence, about my figure, about my hair, about my humor, you name it.
Well, I'm done with spending any more of my energy on worrying what others will think of me and having my happiness wrapped up in how other people have treated me. I'm done with it. The only person who can control my happiness is me. That's it. No boys, no friends, not even family can control my happiness. I can choose in any moment how I feel and I'm choosing to be happy. Of course, bad things will happen, disappointments will come, but it's how I respond to those things that determines my character. Will I have a down day here and there? Of course. I'm human. But I want to be a positive, happy person in my core, when no one is looking, and not dependent on the actions of anyone else. I've spent my life looking for love from others. It's time I start looking within.
2. Give More Than I Get
Now if #1 is all about looking within, then #2 is all about the people around me. Regardless, of how much love the people I care about send my way, I want to make sure the most important people in my life know that they mean a lot to me.
In 2013, I'm going to focus on giving of my time, my energy, my love to others even if it doesn't come back my way. Love and caring is unconditional, which means there's no score board, there's no need to keep a tally. I believe in karma. And believe me, I've doled out my fare share of heartache to others and it has and will likely continue to come back to bite me. But I want to focus on sending good out into the world and in some way, at some time, I believe it will come back to me from somewhere. And hey, on the upside, there's plenty of research to show that doing nice things for others increases your own level of happiness. So in some ways this resolution is a bit selfish and will help me with #1, but I'm okay with that. :)
3. Get Healthy & Fit (aka #OperationGetHot)
So I was on Instagram one day scrolling through some images and I saw this:
It's not incredibly deep or philosophical, but for some reason it really resonated with me. When it comes to my fitness, my entire life I've chosen what I want RIGHT NOW over what I've always wanted most - that being a body I'm proud of. [WARNING: If this is TMI, feel free to skip down to #4. :)] I have never, ever, not one day of my life been happy with the way I look. Mostly because I've never really been very healthy.
Rational or not, my hatred of my body, my nose, my freckles, my teeth partially stems from some pretty harsh feedback I've received from others at very formative periods in my life. I've been told that if I could "just do a little" I'd be attractive…and therefore good enough to be loved. I've thought to myself, if I could just look like "that girl" or "that girl" or "that girl," maybe then I'd finally be worthy. Even into my 30s I've been tormented by thoughts of not being good enough for someone else. Well, I'm done trying to be something for anyone else and I'm ready to focus on being the best version of myself, for myself. Instead of fantasizing about feeling great about my appearance, I want to ACTUALLY feel great about my appearance. I've spent 31 years hiding my body behind my academic pursuits, my wit, my jokes, my career, numerous cardigans - you name it, I've been hiding behind it. I'm tired of hiding and I want to start molding a a healthy and fit lifestyle that makes me proud. So I'm focusing this year on my fitness and health which means working out and eating healthy foods. No more alcohol, no more crappy food that lacks nutrition, no more eating just to eat. Just like my happiness, I'm the only one who can make this happen and it's going to happen this year. So look out for a lot of Instagram and Facebook posts that are fitness and healthy eating related. It's my new jam.
4. Finish My Niner Project!
So if you've followed along on my blog at all over the past couple of years, you know that I have this thing called my Niner Project…and it technically ended last June…and I technically didn't finish it. Lame. Well, since it was my own list and my own life curriculum, I can give myself a pass anyway, right? I'm the only one making me do this stuff…so I get to make the rules. Well, I'm determined, more than ever to get it done. Maybe I was too ambitious with what I wanted to achieve? Hell, maybe I was just too lazy to get it done? Whatever, the reason, I'm excited to make it happen. So in the spirit of my whole number nine theme, I'm giving myself 99 more days to get it done. To break it down more specifically:
- Blog about all the completed Niners (there's a lot)
- Create a schedule to help me map out how I'm going to get stuff done
- Write at least two blog posts a week to help me stay on track for my goal
So there you have it. My resolutions for 2013. To all my dear friends and family, I challenge you to hold me accountable to all of these resolutions and give me a gentle reminder if I'm not living up to my own standards. I know I'll slip up and I'll have set backs, but I want to keep coming back to this list…and keep growing and moving forward.
Here's to forward motion in 2013!